Saturday, March 27, 2010

I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore...

Well ok, fine we never were in Kansas but these crazy Oklahoma wind gusts have decided to blow us straight northeast to Boston! Ben has been accepted into the grad program for composition at Boston Conservatory. Shortly after the wedding we will be heading up north! I am really proud of him and really excited. The area is so beautiful and rich with history. I think it will be an amazing adventure. I wish June was already here. However, we do need these next few months to save up for a deposit because Boston is really expensive! We have found a few cute places. We just need to decide if we want to live in the outskirts in a bigger place for cheaper but deal with transportation or if we want to do the whole city thing and live in a sardine can for way too much a month. Either way, I am so excited to be near the ocean and most importantly near New York City! It is about a 4 hour drive from Boston to New York! It's just unfathomable to me that I can wake up one day and say to myself "Self, let's go see a Broadway show!" and hop on a bus and DO IT! I can audition and visit friends that live there. It will be so amazing! The main thing I am not looking forward to is the weather. I'm sure I will get used to the cold but I was not built to deal with snow and negative temperatures. I need to get some more sweaters. It will be really exciting to experience all the seasons and the changing of the seasons.

Now I just have to survive the next 40ish days of school before all of this becomes a reality. I can not wait! I really have been missing Ben a lot lately. We have both been busy and he has been spending a lot of time with friends which is fine, but when I get home from my ridiculous days I would like to have a little time with him and most of the time at least 3 people are over whether they were invited or not. I am ready for him to be there all the the time (although some married couples may say I will regret saying that. I am definitely ready to be done with school and Oklahoma and a variety of other mundane things from this stage of life. It is time for the next one. So Oklahoma winds, take me to away!

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Spring ... ???

March 20, 2010

49 days until graduation

76 days until I am a wife

First day of spring with 7 inches of snow on the ground

60 degrees in Ben's house

Lily's 2nd birthday

Last day of last spring break

With the clock ticking away for the end of the school year and the beginning of married life, I am slowly getting everything done to make those two things happen. I spent spring break in Texas and got a substantial amount of wedding stuff done. I got my bridal portraits made on the Marcus High School stage and that was a blast! I found a lovely girl to do my hair and she did a fabulous job. My dress and shoes and jewelry all go together really nicely. I can't wait to get the pictures back. Slowly and surely I am chugging along to the finish line. Though the next 49 days will be slow, this week definitely flew by, as most weeks off of school do. Once Monday is here the rest of school with be a whirlwind of tasks to complete that may or may not get done that hold my release from this HELL HOLE called school in the palms of their evil hands. But I still have tonight and tomorrow and relax a little bit.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Stick a fork in me...

....IM DONE! No but really, all cutesy attention getting title's aside. I am so done with this state, this city, this school, these people! I can't stand it anymore. I don't know how I am going to survive the next 61 days. It seems like an eternity away. I don't care if I am being negative. Get over it or stop reading my blog...(I don't think anyone reads this anyway..hmmm)

I have never been this stressed or angry in my entire life. I can not seem to genuinely smile at anything for longer than a few minutes before I am mad at the entire world again. College is not the best time of your life. That is a lie. That is only true for the irresponsible crowd that wallows away their time drunk and high and not taking their careers seriously. I am over those people. How old are we??? 16??? Do your rich parents know they are throwing 100K away so you can be a beligerent idiot! I am sick of no one ever understanding me or being like me. I am sick of being different. Why can't I just make bad decisions and throw my life away and be ok with it? It seems to be what makes people happy these days. Why can't I treat people like crap and be ok with it? Better yet, Why can't I treat people crap and still have 5000 friends? Why can't I treat people NICELY and have friends? Am I that awful to be around?? I have dealt with this my whole life and it hurts so bad to always feel left out because you don't do what everyone else does and no one understands you. There is no way I am the only person like this in the world!!

I know I am a really good friend, at least I thought so, unless I am completely delusional. I am not asking for anything in return for being a good friend and I don't do nice things to get rewarded but my resources are depleted. I can't keep giving and giving and GIVING AND GIVING! I don't want money or things or gifts. I want someone to listen to me and BELIEVE me. I sometimes feel like one of my biggest fears in coming true. I have always been afraid that one day I will go crazy and no one will believe anything I say because I am just "crazy Chelcy" saying those crazy things again. I just feel so delusional! Am I making things up? Am I completely unaware of what is actually going on around me? I am going nuts here just trying to get through the days.......

who even knows if getting out of this place, this school, this apartment, will even could go on forever. It is more likely that I am the problem rather than the rest of the world...the odds are definitely against me. It's about 5,999,999,999 to 1...

I don't want to try anymore. I don't want to talk anyone. I don't want to go to school. I don't want to do anything...I just want to run away with Ben to some perfect paradise and live happily ever after....I know I have a lot of blessing and am lucky to not be whatever starving creature in whatever unfortunate country but the fact is that was not my fate and I am have my own situation that I am dealing with now and I am upset. I am allowed to be upset inspite of how lucky I am in many ways and I am SICK of people telling me to "think of these people and their terrible situation. At least you aren't them" No, I am not, but I can still have feelings and no one can try to take those away from because they don't like how my feelings are effecting their day. Well those people can stop being selfish for 5 seconds and realize that things aren't just peachy keen in my life right now and that is OK. It doesn't have to always be sunshine and teddy bears because LIFE is not sunshine and teddy bears. Things suck. Without things sucking there can never be sunshine and teddy bears because we would never have a scale to judge what is good and what is bad.

So right now, things suck and I can't WAIT to be in rainbow kitty land with the rest of those that like to tell me to stop having emotions and just be postive.

On a lighter note, I have no idea how I am going to get to school, my dr. appt tomorrow, or work .... My car still is not starting...

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Electronics Fail...

So I'm not sure if tectonic plates somehow effect electronics but there is no way this is coincidence....

(I'm not saying that my problems are equivalent to those dealing with these natural disasters)

1. My car is dead. Won't start...

2.My computer has 1,000,000 viruses.

3.My phone can not keep a charge for an entire day. (which sucks when I don't have a car)

4.I got in Ben's car to drive it to work because - see #1 - and the tire blew.

5.The printer I am trying to use in the computer lab just broke.

Technology hates me.

On a brighter note, we went to the dog park today with Mellie. The weather is starting to get a big springy! I hope it stays that way! Anyway, the dog park was a blast! Mel had so much fun and we got her to swim a little bit. She would run in to get her ball! At first it was just a paw, then two, then four, then all the way up to her chin! It was really cute! Soon she will be a little fish!

I also got to nap today with my cute little kitten! : )

Pretty good day!

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Keeping a promise

So nothing really interestingly new or exciting to report! I am mainly trying to keep my blog updated. I said I would and I am sticking to it!

I don't know if this is new news but I am so ready for this wedding business to be over. I never wanted a wedding. I never dreamed of one. I just want to be married to the man I love. All of this formal traditional crap is just annoying and expensive! I am very grateful to those contributing but I wish there was an easier way to have my whole family be there and celebrate without all of this confusion. Oh well....94 days...BUT only 16 days until my bridal portraits and I just realized I don't have my shoes dyed, jewelry, a hairstyle picked out and I can't get ahold of my high school to see if I can do my photos there!!! I have a lot to do!!!

Millie stuff is also really stressful. The amount of choreography in the show is so intense and the amount of time I have to teach it is...well..lacking. C'est la vie du theatre!

I wish I had something positive to talk about. Most of the stuff I think of is something that is stressing me out (i.e. wedding, school, etc) or something that sucks (my computer having a plethora of viruses and my car not starting)....I probably should re-evaluate my outlook. It's just really hard right now when I can see the light at the end of the tunnel but am still, in fact, IN the tunnel. And it is dark and cold and scary and stressful and there are lots of little spiders and rats crawling around and it smells like feces! But alas, there is a light. Maybe that will be my second goal with my blog. Not only to update it, but to include the positive things from the day.

Let's see:
*I am drinking really yummy juice called Peach Mangosteen Bliss
*Ben sent me a cute video of a kitten stuck behind a couch
*I get to see Ben in a few minutes : )

...................'s a start! Well to Millie rehearsal!

A tout a l'heure!

Monday, March 1, 2010

It's been too long...

Hello all. I have neglected my blog for quite some time now and it is time to end this dry spell. I always find that I am calmer when I have time to let everything out via electronic journaling. So let's play catch up!

*I am getting married in 95 days
*I am graduating (THANK GOD) in 68 days
*I have a really cute puppy who is 7 months old named Melody aka Mellie (pictures below)
*Ben has interview/auditions at San Francisco Conservatory and Boston Conservatory and is awaiting admission decisions. We are pushing for San Fran!
*My two best friends are moving to San Francisco. One, (Neil) for Teach for America where he will be teaching in underfunded underpriviledged schools and figthing for equality in education. The other (Alyssa) will be joining the San Francisco cast of Wicked as ensemble/Elphaba understudy! So proud of my talented friends!
*My soon-to-be sister-in-law is pregnant and due October 11! I love that I will be an aunt. I never thought I would be considering I spent 15 years as an only child and it will take a while for my siblings (5 and 8) to have children!
*I am graduating in 68 days...did I mention that?
*I directed a song cycle "Homemade Fusion" by Kooman and Dimond for a new musical festival at school and it was a blast and really well received!
*I am currently choreographing Thoroughly Modern Millie and The Pollard and it is a BEAST! So fun but SOOO much dancing! I feel for the performers having to retain everything!
*I am directing a one-act Operetta that Ben is writing and having performed at his senior recital (April 10 8 p.m.) and I am really excited about it!
*The Saints won the superbowl! Very exciting for my family!

I think that is all of the major events that have happened and I promise I will keep this thing up-to-date! I will! I will! I will! I think I am more convincing myself but in any case expect more blogging! Now for some really cute pictures of the pup!

Ben and Mel the first day we got her. She threw up in Ben's pocket so he is wearing those fancy sweatpants!

Cute girl with her toy!

Me and the Mel Mel!

Wittle Baby!

Ben and Mel playing
Goofy pup

Not a puppy but still cute! She's getting big!

After falling in the pool

cutie girl

This is her a few weeks ago! She is 22 lbs. now