I am really bad at updating this mainly because I don't have anything to say. Nothing is going on in my life. Absolutely nothing. I have graduated from student to average american adult with a lame job that isn't fulfilling. My life officially has no purpose. I am trying to stay positive and look at things with a broader view but it's not working. I can't just "have a better attitude." There isn't a better attitude switch anywhere. I feel like I would just be lying to myself.
I guess the real reason I haven't written in so long is not because I don't have anything to say. I don't have anything positive to say which has led me to the conclusion that blogs are pointless. It isn't an online journal of your thoughts. Bull. It is an online public proclamation how of happy and wonderful you can make everyone else think your life is. Because let's be honest, who wants to read a blog full of complaining or negativity?
So what brings me here today? Why am I choosing to be "that guy" that writes depressing, emo posts that no one reads anyway? Well, the truth is I don't have anyone else to talk to. I have no friends here. I really don't have many friends period. I know there are people who would be there for me but they have so much on their plate anyway that they don't need to hear my problems OR the people I have that I could talk to would say "Aww Chelcy, it's ok. It will get better. Just have a better attitude." Well I don't need to hear that. It hasn't gotten better, it doesn't look promising and now because of that, how can I just HAVE a better attitude. People don't just HAVE things. The ones lucky enough to JUST HAVE things take them for granted anyway. I am so tired of trying so hard. Can something fall in my lap just once, please?
I am so lucky and blessed to have such a wonderful husband. I can truly say that. But honestly, all we do is bicker these days and I know it's mostly my fault for being so negative. I would bicker with me to if I had to live with myself. I am just screwing up left and right and I am completely unmotivated, bored, tired, lonely and overall, if you wanna know the truth, I am completely unhappy.
So until I have something nice to say, I am not going to say anything at all... see you when I have something good to report.