decisions...

So many decisions to make that I just flat out don't care about! I don't understand why in order to get married I have to spend a ridiculous amount of money on things I don't care about. Yes I care about getting married and being with Ben but that doesnt take spending 3000 on napkins. It's so silly! I can't even spend $20 on jeans! I am so cheap and I am just having a hard time swallowing all this. If I keep thinking that my wedding is a party I am throwing for my family to celebrate me and Ben's relationship and our future together. As long as I don't think about it as spending it on me I think I can get through it.


So...I spent all week looking for venues for the wedding. They were all great for different reasons! Of course 5 out of 6 didn't suck. It doesn't work like that. They all had different pros and cons! One was beautiful but too small to fit my enormous family! Another has the best view but awkward decorations that don't represent me and Ben. I have to make a decision soon because once June is booked we are screwed bc July is just too hot to be outside. Ahh! It's all a mess! Here are some pics of them. You will see how hard it is to choose!






This is Lantana Lodge in Pilot Point, Texas on Lake Ray Roberts it is absolutely beautiful! The ceremony would be at sunset on the Lake which is amazing!!!! But....



That is the decor of the Honeymoon suite....I mean I like Texas but not that much and....

This is the decor inside which isnt really a big deal because we really are never inside but...ahh I don't know.. am I being stupid worrying about the decorations inside?!




Next favorite is Relfections on Spring Creek in Plano!







aisle ^^^ alter ^^^



















atmosphere^^




reception area --->

I love this place but the only thing keepig me from is that I love the lake view so much!!!!


Next...Wildwood Inn in Denton! It's really close and reallllly beautiful and accomadates some people in the rooms and has a beautiful suite that is my colors!!!!

Isnt that beautiful! But I would have to cut down my list to 120 at the MOST and really they only fit 100. I absolutely can't cut it down that much! I would rather not have it somewhere that is my absolute favorite and have everyone I love there!!


So there lies my confusion.....please I am open for any advice!!!






Also while I am on the topic of decisions.... I decided to audition for Last Five Years at The Pollard this weekend instead of watching the Tony's. Really it shouldn't be a hard decision but I just feel dumb auditioning against a bunch of belters. I know that belting doesn't matter but...it does. Hopefully the experience will be so GREAT that I don't regret auditioning for something I'm not even good for instead of watching the ONLY THING I CARE ABOUT ON TV!!!!! Hopefully someone will tape it! And hopefully auditioning will be worth it...lately I just don't feel talented..I was hoping my acting would make up for the singing but I don't know if that will work. I wonder if sometimes I have a skewed idea of my talent from being in a political department for the past three years...anyway...enough negativity for one post!! My career life could be a whole other post haha. That's all for now....

Against the grain

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I get so frustrated with the world!!! I hate when people think I like different things or am "weird" just to be different. I truly truly dont like the things that the general population likes.

I don't like TV
I don't like mainstream music
I don't follow movie stars
I don't like Star Wars
I don't like Harry Potter
I don't think Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt are hot I don't care who they marry or who their kids are
I don't care about Gucci, Chanel, D&G, or Coach purses
I don't want to get my fingernails done and I don't want to tan
I don't want a wedding no matter how much anyone tells me I will regret it later
I believe in fairies and neverland and oz and I don't care if that makes me a freak
I love Jesus and I believe in the Bible I don't care if people make fun of me for it
I like Wicked GET OVER IT
I don't like to drink or party
I like romance movies and books with happy endings even if they aren't artistic
I still love movies and music from my childhood because it's better than anything else that has come out recently
I don't like fraternities and sororities or while we are on the subject, fake people and I will not act fake to avoid confrontation
I will speak my mind
I will be passionate and not complacent like most of the people in this world
I will work hard and love what I do even though for some reason it's "cool" to slack off

I have given up on trying to please society because this place is only temporary

I'm not trying to be righteous and say that I am right, but I can not deal with people snickering or laughing or looking down at me for who I am anymore

If God made me this way, who am I, who are YOU to judge or try to change His creation

I am who I am and I don't care if people think I am acting this way for attention or just to be different! I am different and I am sorry to whoever can not accept that

Love me for who I am or leave me alone

I speak 6 languages

So the worst/best thing happened today.....Half Price Books opened in OKC!! Ahh!! The best for my reading and purchasing pleasures the worst for my bank account...I went in straight to the CDs and was reminded of my love for Usher and Eric Benet. R&B is my guilty pleasure...except there is not guilt involved. I'm not ashamed! A girls gotta have her good bass beats and smooth vocal fix every once in a while. Little did I know that was only the beginning of my journey. I went through the poetry aisle, the pet aisle, the crafts aisle, the pointless book aisle then I reached the end of the rainbow....the foreign language aisle. Apparently, I have this obsession with other languages and cultures. I think it is so arrogant of Americans to think they can get through life only knowing one language with completely no knowledge of their own culture and heritage much less others around the world. To me, it just so important to know where you came from because without it well, you simply wouldn't be here and wouldn't be who you are today!! Anywho, I have been wanting to learn another language (I am half fluent in French) for quite sometime now, especially one that has a different alphabet than English. For some unknown reason that and some other inner calling has led me to Greek, Gaelic, and Russian. I couldn't find any Russian books so for now I am starting with Greek and working my way through an elementary workbook then on to Gaelic. I am really excited about this adventure though I think after a few hours of studying I am already seeing the struggle it is going to be to wrap my mind around a completely different set of characters especially when some are the same as english but pronounced completely different. After picking up those two books I also somehow didnt manage exiting the store without purchasing the dictionary of word origins and of course Romeo and Juliet.

For now that puts me at only 4 languages which makes me a liar based on this blog title...I still have high hopes for throwing Russian in there at some point, Spanish considering I am from Texas and can barely get by without it anymore, and I'm sure after the study of that and French, Italian should fall right in easily...which puts me at 7, unless the dying languages don't completely count...Nonetheless, it should be quite the adventure!

Its about time

So I have decided to be a follower and create a blog like many of my friends already have. When it comes down to it, I just really really miss xanga and since I have moved on to bigger and better sites (myspace and facebook) I have stopped writing...it's a sad thing really. I have always loved to write, so much that my mother always swore that I would go on to be a great poet or novelist. Well, of course things never turn out the way we think so here I am in the middle of the most useless state in our nation pursuing acting. It is probably for the better considering that's where my true passion lies and I really am not much of a writer, but I do enjoy it. So here we are back at square one. I am starting a blog! Hopefully this will serve as entertainment for some but moreso as an outlet for me. The new age of technology for some reason dissuades me from putting pen to papier and now that I have this website I can somehow write again....it really was at my fingertips the whole time because there is always pen and paper lying around. Anyway, after much procrastinating ...... here is my new blog!!